Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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