My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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