I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
