I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
