I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
