I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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