Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
