There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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