I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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