Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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