Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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