So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
