he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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