the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
home. puking in laundry basket.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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