I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
