True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
