That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am one with the molecules
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
