I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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