He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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