you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
