Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
