I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
