K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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