We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
