I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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