Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
