I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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