so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
