you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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