i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I know her cup size but not her name....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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