Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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