She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
And then he peed in my hair
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