11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
