and i looked up. we had an audience...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
