Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
