The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
