I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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