I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
