Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
