that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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