I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
