Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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