make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
