Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
