im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
