Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
