I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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