Just took my morning after pill in the library
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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