you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
