It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
