just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
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Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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