You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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