Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize