I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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