It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
