apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
